Here I am the official family condiment queen, but it turns out I’m a condiment IQ failure. In a bit of clever marketing, French’s has decided to show how their mustard is the preferred condiment of choice.

Take the quiz, they beckon. So, confident in my abilities and tastes, I took the quiz. Let me warn you, your tastes may influence your answers. After all, mustard is fine, but it flunks the taste test with some foods. 

A fried egg sandwich with a thick juicy tomato: Mayonnaise

Piping hot extra crispy fries: Ketchup. Malt vinegar, a close second (first place if you’re at the beach).

A hamburger: Ketchup and Mustard. Maybe even Mayo or A-1. Are we talking turkey burger–definitely need Mayo and Ketchup and Mustard. Thick, juicy, extra charred Angus burger: I’m with the President on the Grey Poupon discussion. If we’re talking roadside slider, I give it the mustard and ketchup duo squirt with plenty of pickles. See, it’s the specifics that decide, not my condiment IQ!

BTW, I know when to use mustard! It’s all about the taste, baby.

You get the picture: A condiment is only as good as its environs. Yes, I know Kheinzfamilyheaderetchup has some unnecessary ingredients–take the test, you’ll see.

Yes, I know Mayo has some unnecessary components–calories. Oops, now you know.

Mustard has its place. Not on every plate.

Take the test. It’s worth the squirt.

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